


Midnight Blues

by thesweetpianowritingdownmylife



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Don't read if you are part of the CR cast or crew, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:26:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21696892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesweetpianowritingdownmylife/pseuds/thesweetpianowritingdownmylife
Summary: Caduceus is sad. Fjord comforts him.--Aka will someone PLEASE check how Caduceus is doing.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Comments: 13
Kudos: 282





	Midnight Blues

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this after learning of the conversation that Cad had with the Gentleman (I hadn't even seen the ep yet) so this is set sometime after that.

The first thing Fjord felt when he woke up was an arm draped around his waist and a body pressed against his back.

He should have been more alarmed, but something was keeping him calm. As he came slowly back from sleep’s embrace he identified it: it was Caduceus’ smell, fruity and overly sweet. The firbolg’s scent made him feel safe. That did not explain, however, why said firbolg was spooning him, when they had gone to sleep each on his side of the rather wide bed.

This was not the first time that Fjord had experienced something like this. Whenever the Mighty Nein slept in Caleb’s tiny hut, some of the members of the party tended to roll over and cling to the closest warm body available. Nott had woken up curled against his legs a couple of times, and she had made a big deal about being disgusted with her sleepy self for it. Jester had used sleep rolling to justify cuddling up to every member of the group. And there was this one time when Fjord shared a bed with Caleb and woke up to the wizard half on top of him, hugging him tightly, for which Caleb had apologized profoundly. But Fjord had shared rooms and beds with Caduceus for many a night, and this was the first time that Caduceus had moved in his sleep and curled around him.

He wasn’t complaining; the night was cold, and the embrace was welcome. Not to mention that anything that brought him closer to Caduceus pleased him. Hey, give the guy a break; you try not falling in love with the guy that helped you sever an unhealthy pact with a cruel many-eyed snake _and_ bring you together to a much gentler goddess. Add to that that the guy in question cooked like heaven, was always willing to support him, and had saved his life and the lives of his friends several times… Fjord had never stood a chance in the first place. He made an effort to stay still and maintain his breathing even to avoid disturbing the extremely perceptive sleeping beauty.

Only… was Caduceus really asleep? As he came more fully to consciousness, Fjord heard that Caduceus’ breathing was anything but even. It was hitching a little, almost as if…

_Oh, Melora, he’s crying_. Caduceus’ forehead was pressing against Fjord’s nape, and his body shook slightly with the small sobs.

Fjord panicked. _Why is he crying, is he hurt, what is going on, what_ … And the hitching noises stopped. _Uh oh_. So much for pretending to still be asleep.

“Deucy? What’s up?” he asked tentatively.

The arm around his waist started to slid away, but Fjord reacted quickly and caught it with his hand. There was a moment of tense stillness.

“It’s just me,” Caduceus’ deep rumble answered, a little more strained than usual. “I can move away, if you let me go.”

“No need.” Fjord cleared his throat. “It’s cold, you’re more than welcome to, em, stay.” He winced at how unconvincing that sounded, but Caduceus had the tact not to call him out on it.

The arm relaxed around him again, and crept up his body a bit, hand splaying at the centre of his chest. Caduceus moved even closer to him, sliding his other arm under Fjord’s neck and resting his cheek on Fjord’s head. He sighed, and the puff of warm air against his ear made Fjord shiver. He felt his heart rate speed up.

“Are you okay?” Fjord prodded. “You are not usually this cuddly. It’s fine, by the way,” he insisted.

Caduceus nuzzled the back of his neck. “I miss it, sometimes.”

“What, spooning?”

“Physical contact. Affection. We don’t do that very much, in this group.”

He was correct. There was a distance, sometimes, that felt difficult to breach. Except for Jester, they weren’t much for casual touching, and Fjord, too, sometimes missed the easy camaraderie he shared with his former workmates, when they lived in each other’s spaces and distance was forcefully short. He cared for the Nein much more than he had ever cared for any crew of sailors, yet he lacked that closeness that had seemed so natural when working on a ship.

“Is that why you were cuddling up to me in the middle of the night?”

“Yes.” He hesitated. “I should have asked first, sorry.”

The embrace was nice, warm and comforting. Nothing to apologize for.

“It was not the worst way to wake up,” Fjord joked. He placed a hand on top of the one on his chest. “You know you can ask for the things you need, right? Especially me?”

Silence fell, and it broke Fjord’s heart. After a moment, Caduceus answered, “I don’t want to be a bother.”

“You’re not,” Fjord replied straight away. He turned around without breaking Caduceus’ embrace, slid one of his arms under Caduceus’ waist and slung one over it. “You are a valuable member of our team, and we need you happy and fulfilled.”

The firbolg wouldn’t meet his eyes, but he adjusted to the new position and started rubbing lazy circles on Fjord’s back. Their faces were close together now, and they could feel each other’s breathing. Fjord was distracted by how close Caduceus’ lips were, and how easy it would be to lean forward and-

_Focus, dude_. “Is this something you would want? On a regular basis, I mean,” he asked to distract himself.

Still no response. Caduceus’ eyes were closed, the only barrier he could raise at this distance. Fjord decided to continue.

“Nott is quite cuddly. Granted, she wouldn’t cuddle _me_ , but she likes you well enough; I’m sure she’d be willing if you ask. Jester probably thinks like you, that we don’t hug nearly enough.”

Caduceus shrugged. Fjord was not deterred.

“Caleb would take some work, I’ll admit it, but I think it would be a matter of finding the right angle. He likes cuddling with Nott and that damned cat, after all.” He chuckled. “Beau would grit her teeth and bear it, just because she likes you. We all do.”

The firbolg hugged him tighter, hiding his face in Fjord’s neck.

“And then there’s me. I’m always up for a good time.” He slapped himself mentally. “I mean, uuuuuhhhh, cuddling, and hugs, and all that stuff! Not a problem with this guy. That’s what, yeah.” He cleared his throat.

Caduceus chuckled a bit at his flustered state. He opened his eyes and regarded him with so much affection that Fjord wanted to look away, but he resisted the urge. Caduceus kissed his forehead gently.

“Thank you.” He took a couple of deep breaths. “My family is… was… affectionate.” He didn’t seem to know which tense to use. “We greeted each other with hugs and kisses, our parents were constantly picking us up, we leaned against each other while we relaxed. We didn’t believe in personal space very much, when I was a child.”

“And after? Or did your parents still pick you up when you reached seven feet tall?”

The firbolg gave a watery laugh. “Colton tried a couple of times, nearly blew his back.” He grew serious again. “It stopped because they left, and I was alone.” His voice felt distant, miles and miles away. “I was alone for many seasons, I should be used to it but…” He chuckled dryly. “I can be a bit ridiculous at times.”

“I don’t think you’re being ridiculous.” Fjord replied in a serious tone. “Were you unhappy, being alone?”

“I bore it well, I think.” Caduceus frowned, pensive. “My main worry was the blight, more than the loneliness. Besides, I had Melora, and grieving visitors from time to time.”

“You still have Melora. You have us…” he hesitated, “…you have me.”

Caduceus smiled at him, the first genuine smile Fjord had seen on him since he had woken up. He brought up his hand to play with Fjord’s hair.

“I know, I’m being ungrateful.” He sighed. “I shouldn’t feel lonely still.”

Fjord swallowed around the knot that had formed in his throat. “It’s okay. Maybe we haven’t been the best at being your friends. That’s on us, not you.”

There was a pause, and then Caduceus nodded a bit reluctantly.

“I promise to do better by you,” Fjord snaked a hand between their bodies to reach Caduceus’ cheek, caressing away the faint remainder of tears, “and we’ll talk to the others, ok? We’ll figure it out.”

“Thank you.” He turned his head slightly to kiss at Fjord’s hand.

The gesture made Fjord lose his train of thought a little, but he left his hand there, cupping Caduceus’ face. He cleared his throat. “Is that all that worries you?” Better to get back on track.

“No.” He looked away. “I’m also worried about them. They haven’t contacted me for…a long time. I don’t know if…” His face scrunched up, lips pressed together to swallow back a sob.

“Hey, none of that.” Fjord pressed his forehead against Caduceus’. “I’m sure they are fine. But let me tell you,” he pulled back, “when we do find them, I’m going to have some very stern words with them about leaving you alone and not messaging you and worrying you this much.”

They both shared a giggle.

“Okay,” Caduceus acquiesced, “you can tell them off on my behalf. They never take me seriously anyway.”

Fjord gritted his teeth. The more he learned about them, the more it seemed like Caduceus’ family took him for granted. But he couldn’t judge; after all, hadn’t he and the rest of the Nein been doing the same thing?

“Will you promise to come to me? If you ever need or want something?” He laughed self-deprecatingly. “I am not as perceptive as you. I need you to tell me things straight.”

Caduceus nodded. “As long as it doesn’t inconvenience you.”

Fjord frowned. “How about you tell me first, and then let me decide that, though? Instead of deciding for me?”

“Okay,” Caduceus agreed, unconvincingly.

“What’s something you want, right now?” Fjord insisted. “Ask me for something. Anything. I’ll refuse if I think it’s too much, I promise.”

The firbolg fixated him with an uncharacteristically stern look, challenging and rebellious. “I want to kiss you,” he said petulantly, anticipating a refusal.

“Well, that’s an easy one,” Fjord replied in the same tone, and closed the distance between them.

It was soft. Fjord didn’t want to push him too much, keeping it simple out of fear that it had only been a meaningless challenge and not an actual request, but Caduceus got over his surprise fast and kissed him back fiercely, tightening his arms around him. They pulled back after just a moment, regarding each other with equally startled looks.

“Um…” Fjord was the first to break the silence, “technically that was me kissing you, so if you want to kiss me, feel free to-”

He was interrupted by Caduceus’ lips on his again. The firbolg gave him several short pecks, pulling back slightly to pepper his entire face with kisses and then kissing him deeply again, hands clawing at his back to bring him closer, until they had to part to breathe.

“That was very nice,” said Caduceus, burying his face on Fjord’s neck and kissing it. “Thank you.”

“Like I said, any time,” Fjord’s voice was strangely high-pitched, and he cleared his throat to bring it back to normal, “but I would also like to maybe, take you out for a nice walk in the forest in the moonlight, do this right.” He slid one hand under Cad’s shirt, caressing his back directly. “Only if you want to.”

“I want to.”

“If you just want some hugs from time to time, that’s fine by me, don’t feel obligated to-”

He was interrupted again, much in the same fashion. This time when they pulled back, Caduceus’ look warned him to stop doubting himself, and made any further backtracking die on his lips.

“Anything else that you want?” he simply asked.

“I want… to do the spooning thing again. That was lovely.”

Fjord grinned like an idiot. “It sure was!” He turned around again, and they slotted back together as if they had been in this position a thousand times. Fjord brought Caduceus’ hand to his lips to give it one last kiss.

“Good night, Deucy.”

“Good night, Fjord.”


End file.
